wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
