Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
