Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
