what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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