Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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