Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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