my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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