Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
