i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
