I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
