I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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