i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
