If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I deserve to be covered in dicks
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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