I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
