Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
