I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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