I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
