I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
