I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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