I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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