I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
