Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
