Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
