May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
