wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
