why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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