Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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