Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
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Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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