nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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