i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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