Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
