Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
