once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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