Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
