Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
