dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
