what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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