I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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