just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i've created a new STD.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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