i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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