Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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