so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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