I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Dignity is for republicans.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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