I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
