Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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