How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
