So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
