I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ketchup is God's man juice
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
