Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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