Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
