let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
