I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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