last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
