Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
