I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
