guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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