My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
