Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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