If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize