i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
