Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
