Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
