I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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