Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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