yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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