DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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