No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
