she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
