you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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